.. .: :: Francesca's delirium :: :. ..

This voice and this song entered my mind and my heart and I am just addicted to it now.
Anyone can teach me the maori language? :)

CHECK THIS LINK!!!!
PC crash after AVG update 9 Nov 2008
Oh yes. Would you believe that? It was the antivirus!!!!
Last Sunday, all of sudden it just gave me a blue screen with a missing and "Stop c0000135" and "winsrv was not found" error message. No way it was going to work.
I had to pester my brother, who I must confess has been an angel this time: he managed to upload Windows XP for me, and after many experiments to unzip the bits and put them together and burn a CD with the mac I am using at the office, I sort of managed to re-install Windows XP on the exsiting one in my PC. It had problems twice while I was installing it, but it seems to work now. More instable than ever. And my serial number for Windows is not accepted, so maybe in 30 days I will not be able to use this old thing again.
Anyway, I can't wait to be in Italy for the Xmas week (only one week, sigh!). I will save all the files and format this poor thing that has never been formatted in its 4-year life :)
In the meantime, I would like to buy a macbook. It would be great to have both, so I can use the PC for testing html pages and the other one to finally use a proper graphic editor without making the whole system freeze! ;)

Wow. I have always considered blog posts about computer stuff really deadly boring, so forgive me for that. It's not a too technical post anyway, because my poor English wouldn't let me do that. :)

How sad. Without a computer even the illusion of having some contacts disappear and you have to face the fact that you are alone.
There's something wrong in here!!! I don't like it!!!
I hope I will be able to do something before I am completely ruined!
Or maybe I am already? I live on Facebook (the most compelling evidence that I don't have a life!), I started listening to music with the headphones at work like my colleagues, I can't stand the sight of my flatmates most of the times (oh well, this is OK hehe). I no longer care if my colleagues don't say 'Hi' when they enter the office or if they don't reply when I say 'bye'. I got used to eating in silence in front of my computer during the lunch break. And I could go on with examples.

Is there an antidote to becoming a Londoner? Anybody, help me please!!!!

So, this is currently my avatar in Facebook - where you can find about 60 photos of my embarrassing birthday! I mean, I didn't feel embarrassed at all. But none of the guests dressed up, so I was basically the only goth. With wings.
Luckily I convinced Cris to dress up too. We were too cool!!!
I never thought I would like dressing up so much. I guess I am doing stupid things now since I never had fun when I was a teenager. LOL

Anyway, my birthday parties were awesome. I think this has been the best birthday of my first 30 years. I loved the Pizza Hut self-destruction day with Kirsten and the party with Cris.
Lovely, lovely friends. They made me forget for a while that this is the 3rd birtdhay I haven't celebrated with my family. I miss them badly and I feel sick when I think about it.
Especially when I think that my life here is only working and my only fun is going to the gym. Not that I don't like it, but there must be more than this right?

Anyway, finally the sweetest day of the week has come.
God bless Friday, day of hopes and expectations.
Happy weekend everyone!

Oh no. It's the final countdown!!!
Basically I will be 29 for only one more week.
Had they showed younger myself my life at the age of 30, I would have committed suicide.
I am glad they didn't show me then :)
As I wrote in the previous post, the less you know, the happier you are :)

On Friday night I will toast with Krystin (whose birthday is on October 12th!) and other ex-colleagues from Spring, then I have pizza on Sunday 12th with Kirsten and other random people from the gym, and then I will have Monday 13th off (my actual birth day).
I hope to have pizza again :) some time next week with a nice colleague of mine, her birthday was on September 30th so we can celebrate a double happy delayed birthday!
The following Sunday, October 19th, I will have a big Italian lunch at Cristina's.
We'll both wear goth wings, so I guess Facebook will be invaded by embarrassing photos :p
You don't turn 30 many times in your life, so it's better to have as many parties as possible ^_^

This is just a short message, since it took me 2 nights to write the previous delirium - and I think Cecilia is the only brave reader who managed to get to the end of it.
The reason why I am writing now is that for the first time of my life, I DO care about receiving people's greetings. So, no matters if it's voice, text, post, email, facebook, pigeons, whatever. You are warned!
If you forget to wish me Happy 30th Birthday on Monday 13th October 2008, I will severely and irreversibly pissed off.
And you don't want that :)

My heart is bursting with joy for my dear Ania!
We met at Working Men's College during my 1st year in the UK. We were attending the "English for Speaker of Other Languages" class. I made her cry a lot of times with my relentless curiosity and my numerous, straightforward questions. I always thought that she was an incredibly sweet and sensitive person, though always so melancholy and negative. I eventually found out how unlucky she has been in her past. My same age, and such a big burden to carry, so many things to forget, so many feelings to repress. I do not know how she could bear all of that. I tend to make a tragedy of every stupid thing that happens in my life, but even I had to acknowledge that, in spite of her fragile appearance, she has been so much more unfortunate, yet so much stronger than me. So I started admiring and supporting her. We have been flatmates for 5 or 6 months. We moved out to other flats on the same day. Her boyfriend even drove me to my new place! We have been keeping in touch, and I was very excited because before she moved out she shared her beautiful secret with me.
After a long waiting, on September 13th 2008, 9.53 am, a little cute miracle named Elza came to bring back happiness to my friend. And to keep her so busy that she hardly reply my texts now :)
It's a girl, as Miesko and I had already decided :)
Suddendly, the meaning of everything seems clear...
I can't wait to be able to see my ex-classmate again and to cover her baby with kisses and hugs. I consider myself an aunt now!
Here is my gorgeous princess aged 2 days: proud mummy sent me this image on my mobile phone (after being told off for not telling me the big news immediately)!!!


Ok, end of the sentimental corner. Back to trivial events my readers love sooo much LOL

Haha. Someone indirectly (the British lethal way to stab you in the back) told me my blog is too personal.

Who cares? I am not forcing anyone to read it. And if you think this blog is too personal, it's because you have never read the emails I used to write when I was still able to sleep 2 hours per night LOL

I wonder if I will ever write any other book reviews. I really like to do it, just for myself, but it requires time and concentration, both of which I am seriously lacking of :p I would really force myself to try and think sometimes... I used to hope that I could keep my brain young by using it only a few times a year, but it seems that the little grey cells commit suicide if they get bored! :) So, even if I keep it disconnected, I can't prevent it from decaying :p
Is it possible that I never remember my passwords? Is it normal that my online banking account is suspended every second time I try to access to it, because I make too many wrong attempts to log in? I even forgot the answer to one of the secret questions! I should stick a note with all the usernames and passwords to the wall, though I suspect there might be some security issues :)

Argh. I am getting 30 too very soon (OMG). I am scared of what will happen. They told me I look 40 already, so I shouldn't worry about a convention like a birthday. Still, I dread the impact it may have on my brain to spend the whole day trying to avoid making the obvious balance of 3 decades. I have a day off for my birthday. Just in case I am too scared to get out of my bed LOL
I promise, I will take it easy. It's like the new year's night. I hate it with all my heart, still I have always survived it.
Sad balances and promises to do better next time. That's life I suppose :)

I might set some goals in my life (oh no! There she goes...)

Like saving some money for a new laptop. Not that I don't love my good old one, with Hello Kitty stickers and Hello Kitty desktop image... But well, I think it's in the same conditions as my brain :p
Probably there are 2 monkeys inside it, sending each other messages in binary code by using a torch :) I should at least buy a decent battery, otherwise every time I stumble over the wire and unplug it (it happens more often than what you could imagine!), it dies instantly. But maybe with 300 or 400 quids I can find a PC with more than 512MB RAM... So maybe I can open my (legal copy of *cough*) Photoshop and even listen to music at the same time without making the computer crash. Ooh! Is it possible?
OK, OK. In a few months I will buy a new one.
Unless I move out again. :)
Just joking. If I move out it must be for a serious reason.
[As if the reasons why I move out of the previous flats hadn't been serious >_<]
This time moving and cleaning the new house got me so tired and exhausted that I am really determined to resist as much as possible.
The room is very beautiful, as you might have seen on Facebook :)
[Mmh. To tell the truth, all the rooms I've lived in are beautiful. I need to treat myself :)]

Or maybe I should write down the mistakes I keep making, stick the piece of paper onto the wall (instead of the list of passwords) and see if I learn something.
I might create a colourful reminder of simple rules to be happy in life. What do you think of the following one:

1. Don't expect anything and you will never be disappointed.
2. Remember that colleagues, flatmates, class mates are just people who happen to work/live/attend a class in the same place as you do. In most cases, this is the only thing you have in common and it will not be forever. ;)
3. Stop being surprised if people are so double-faced and talk behind your back.
4. Start doing the same :)
5. There are billions of people on this planet. Why should they all like you? You don't like several people and they don't give a sh*t, just learn from them :)
6. Ask yourself if it's true that you don't care about other people's opinion, and make sure the answer is YES.
7. Do you really want to know everything? Life is so much easier for those who know little... (for example, wouldn't it be better, if I could enjoy my birthay eating binge without knowing how many calories I swallow? LOL)
8. Try to accept the fact that if you are so interested in people's lives, it doesn't mean that they are interested in yours, and/or that they are happy to let you mind their business (Are you serious? Is this possible? OUTRAGEOUS!!!)
9. Don't take anything personal, even if in most cases it is LOL (Hopeless paranoid)
10. Learn to keep you *#°ç# mouth shut always and forever!!!!!!

The last one is the biggest challenge of my life, like losing weight. I will never make it >_<
But I am trying so hard!! It's true!!! I just have to zip my lips up... Until I find someone who seems to like talking, and then it's total disaster :)

Back to my adventures.
The last two unexpectedly sunny, nice and warm weekends have been spent
1. packing and moving (13-14 September)
2. cleaning, buying stuff for my room and discussing with new flatmates. (20-21 September)

20th-21st September.
This last weekend was quite frustrating and tiring. I guess the previous one was more interesting :)
Yet, Cris saved me with a sumptuous banquet on Saturday night. I shamelessly showed up at 8.30pm empty-handed, tired and horribly hungry, after a whole day dedicated to housework and shopping. I ate a big bowl of pasta wih home-made pesto, an obscene quantity of roast parnsips, roast potatoes, roast carrots, and other vegetables, even half a salmon trout, and then 3 different puddings (and not just one serving of each!!!). On the following Sunday I suffered from a painful gastritis, but it was worth while and I would definitely do it again :) I am glad I have Italian friends.

Speaking about food, I have to organize something with Cris, her birthday is on October 16th, just 3 days after mine! I would like to go to La Porchetta on Saturday (11th of October) night, but nobody wants to spend money and I should avoid doing it as well. So we might end up celebrating is someone's house.
But anyway, the following day I will go to the gym (On Sunday!) from noon to 2pm and then I will go with Kirsten (and whoever is willing and able to eat a whole pizza) to Pizza Hut! Mmmh can't wait. I know, many Italians told me I am a shame for Italy. I love proper Italian food best, of course, but some things like Pizza Hut, Burger King's Fusions and Cadbury Flake are just so junky, artificial and unhealthy that they end up being mouth-watering, irresistible temptations :)

As far as the previous weekend... Well, moving is stressing but definitely you can't get bored :)

The room was supposed to be free on Sunday 14th of September after 4pm. I would have needed James Bond to get this piece of info because my current girl flatmate was always too busy and never had time to meet the girl who was leaving (they just lived in the same flat...). So she was not sure when she would live. Also I couldn't talk directly to the girl who was leaving, because after 2 years of flat sharing she had became a very close friend of the girl flatmate mentioned above, and apparently she could have a nervous breakdown every time someone mentioned the fact that she was going back to her country.
I never met this girl, but before she left she tried to sell me some pieces of furniture including a bookshelf which was actually not hers. Luckily I found out by accident and I didn't spend a penny.

This time I had tried to plan things better and I packed a little bit on Friday night and then on Saturday.
On Sunday morning I found out that the price for a 7 seater was ridiculously expensive (20-25£ for less than 3 km). Then I decided to ask for an estate car, which costed 13£. I unpacked and repacked everything on the same Sunday morning, blessing God for making me so heavy that I could compress even a duvet into half a piece of baggage. Andrea, a flatmate, lent me an other suitcase (I had already borrowed one from Mila).
In the previous days, (ex) landlady and landlord were so nice to me, saying they would miss me badly and even letting me use the washing machine in the evening once. Extra luxury!
They asked me to keep in touch, visit them for tea (so maybe I can see the living room I was never allowed to enter!), blah blah blah.
I was moved, even though I couldn't be surprised that they were so sad... I pay always on time and a corpse would disturb more than me! Infact, I am at home only for a few hours a day and I don't stink that much!!!
Anyway, landlady said she would try and be there at 4pm to greet me, and I was almost touched (hopelessly naive me! I believed it!).
At 3pm my soon-to-be girl flatmate called me telling me that she was about to go out; her now ex-flatmate left at noon but she was so busy that she didn't think of notifying me. I had written her many emails telling her how much I wanted to enter the house as soon as possible, in order to do as much cleaning as I could and to get ready to go to work on the following day. But why do I think I am so important, she was probably too busy even to read the emails! Nevermind.
At 3.50 pm the cab arrived. Landlady was not there. I thought: I will bring the keys back to her later.
Driver was an over 40 man from Afghanistan, who seemed annoyed for all my baggage. I insisted that I had told the people at the office in the morning, but he claimed he was not informed.
While driving he started asking me private questions since he could see I was moving alone. Like Homer Simpson fighting with his brain, I regret telling him the truth at the beginning, and try to correct myself, clumsily and unsuccessfully.
On the other hand, if it had been true that I have a boyfriend, and that I had had to move alone on a Sunday afternoon (and with a slimy cab driver), I would have dumped the boyfriend for not helping me. LOL
I tried hard not to be rude to this man, thanks to all my sister's and women friends' lessons about smiling like an idiot and getting favours or discounts (an introduction to prostitution or a females' secret weapon I do not have?). As I wrote in the previous post, I must look like a man because I have never been lucky in these things. Ok, I have always preferred to insult greasy men when I felt offended (often), so I guess I can't complain LOL
Anyway, we arrived at the new place after 5 or 10 minutes (it felt like hours). I was charged 15£ instead of 13£ and the cab driver claimed he had been nice to help me to load the car. Nobody asked him, I could have done it myself and quiclky. He insisted that normally for moving house the price is £30 and I objected that the same morning they told me £24. He admitted that this was the exact price (ah, he approximated to the tens! And he was even wrong because in my humble opinion 24 is closer to 20 than to 30!). I just step off the cab without discussing any longer and one of my flatmates (the funniest one) helped me with the baggage.
Finally I could take a breath... ? Not yet! Landlady called me on the mobile phone at 4.30pm. She was very concerned about the keys. I offered to come back later in the evening and she insisted that I did it immediately since at 5pm a new girl was getting my room.
Hahaha. Silly, hopeless me.
I took the bus, put the keys in the letter box (apparently nobody was in the house, and there is no door bell anyway). Then I decided to do some shopping since I had no food, and I started working hard to clean a little bit and unpack everything. I think I worked for 4 hours, and only for some basic cleaning (you can't imagine how filthy that girl is!)!!!! A very long Sunday!

Who am I going to share the flat with now? Believe me, 3 interesting characters :)

1. The 40 year-old funny groundsman. I don't know if he likes me, but he is nice to everyone anyway. He works every day of the week, goes out at 6.30 am when I get up and he is sleeping at 10pm when I get home. He doesn't even use the kitchen because he eats out. Still he helped me to fix 2 drawers, to attach some hangers to my door, to find things, to get rid of an old dusty velvet bed head hidden behind my wardrobe. He's English but not from London, so he is allowed to be a nice person, and he tells a lot of jokes and stories. He's always ready to help when you need him. I guess he's an ideal flat mate!!!

2. The 26 year-old good-looking Italian man. Gosh. Thanks God he's younger than me so I wouldn't consider him anyway :) Also, he has a girlfriend and he keeps telling me he is about to dump her. Guess this means he is a naughty bastard and is looking for trouble. But I am not (looking for trouble). ^_^ Apart from that, I really like him. He doesn't smoke (it seems so rare to find a man who doesn't smoke here!). He
loves food and cooking (and he is from Sicily, wonderful sunny land where food is a real pleasure). He is very relaxed and takes life easy (me is very envious). He likes to talk as much as I do (yeah!). He doesn't even eat meat (not that I care if someone does, but it's always nice to meet people with the same taste as you).

3. The 30+ (undefined) princess. Not sure yet. I guess I can get on well with all of my new flat mates since we do not spend much time together. But strangely enough, in spite of the battle of sexes I am more worried about the only female flatmate. Maybe I am wrong though. Some days she is fine. Maybe we just need to ignore each other when we have a bad hair day. And women have many :)

Only few things I am very concerned about are:
1. cleaning shifts. The house is big and not so clean, covered with a too old carpet (even in the toilet! One of the worst nightmares of all the Italians in London!). Flatmates don't want to be bothered with housework. I refuse to pay for a cleaner, but I have no intention of cleaning after the other flat mates. I guess I will get used to dirtiness then :)
2. the toilet cover. I share the toilet with 2 men. Can anyone explain them that the cover is used to put your butt cheeks on, and that when they wee, if they can't do it inside the closet they'd better lift the cover up? I don't mind if they leave it up, but I can't clean it every time I have to sit on it :( Don't men sit on the closet sometimes? Don't they mind sitting on their wee? Very interesting question...

Well. Things might work this time. When you expect the worse, things end up being not too bad!!! Fingers crossed!!!

And... I will spend Xmas in Italy!!! From Sunday 21th December to Sunday 28th December! I would have slashed my wrists if I had stayed here in London alone even for Xmas. I don't care about New year's Eve (last year I was alone at home and went to bed at 11pm!), but Xmas is Xmas. Can't wait to hug my loved ones!!!!!!!

Haha. Seems yesterday when I moved to this flat in Cricklewood. And next weekend, Sunday the 14th I will finally be a Golders Green girl! I really wonder how long I will resist this time. I have never lived alone, still I find it so hard to find a shared flat I look forward to going back to after a long day :p
I actually decided to move to Archway or Tufnell Park (or Highgate but I haven't found a billionaire who wants me yet... In that case I would just buy Hampstead Heath and live in Kenwood House!) but well, my first obsession was Golders Green and finally I can live there.

I am trying to find someone with a car in this area so that I can avoid to pay for the cab, but both the nice people who could help me (one of them even has a van!), could do it on Monday, not on Sunday! Shame!!! More money to pay! :p

Do you think that moving home twice a year may be one of the reasons why I cannot save money even if I don't really have a life? ^_^
Thanks God my adopted bigger sisters Cris and Milly and the other Italians cheer me up. So there is a chance I will not spend my 30th birthday locked in the bathroom hugging the closet as I planned LOL
Cris, if you cook a lot of roast parsnips for me you'll make my day! I am in Brockley already :)

In spite of being almost broke I already bought myself my birthday present! I am going to see Joan Baez at Royal Albert Hall on October 2nd! I am so excited! I know she is almost 70 and I guess her voice will not as enchanting and powerful as it used to be, but I am really looking forward to hearing her sing live... I think I have never been to a proper concert in my life. How weird. I love music so much ç__ç
Well, I love painting even more and I hardly do it ç__ç

By the way, I finished reading that awesome Chinese book, and I am going to write a review. Not today though, my brain refuses to collaborate :)
I know you are disappointed, you really wanted to read it, ne?
Today you'll have an other random stream of consciousness, since I cannot sleep (and I have not been drinking tea for at least 2 months! Aargh!).

I am so very happy for the development of the plot of Garasu no Kamen in Bessatsu Hana to Yume. Miuchi sensei, please give me a wonderful birthday present!!! Let volume 43 be published soon, and with the wonderful scenes we are seeing in the monthly magazine...
And please. Let us read the ending part soon. You know it's time :)

So, if I take away all the depressing topics and try to make my life seem not so uneventful, what can I tell you?

Haha. I know. But don't take me too serious :)

I started thinking that I must look like a man.
I don't think I am too ugly, maybe just plain. Several friends, like Anna, Kitty, Luciana, in different times of my life told me off for not doing anything to look someway attractive (Liposuction? Plastic surgery? Naah. I hate needles, surgery and anything like that. Out of discussion!).
But the undeniable truth is, many (weird) women like me. I am not talking about lesbians... Just women like the cashier at Tesco, someone queing with me at the post office, ladies in the changing room of the gym. In most cases, they just stop me to congratulate on my hair (a sort of haystack but I like it ^_^) or saying they are envious of my sun tan (not so much this year... *sob*) and things like that. This may be ok. But hey, now there is a disturbing lady in the gym who is in love with my fat bum!!! Insane!! She keeps asking me what classes I attend and she wants to do everything I do. She keeps asking me questions and staring at my buttocks in awe... Hey you! Can you look up here? My voice is coming out of my mouth!!! >_<
I can't believe it! One of the things I am most ashamed of, and now it has a (disturbed) fan. Quite annoying. If she wants to have such a cumbersome back pack she can just eat Pizza Hut slices and Burger King Fusions (Mmmh... I will do for my birthday! Can't wait!).
As I use to say, I wish I had with men half the success I have with women LOL

Well, talking about lesbians. In the last month, I found myself in more than one occasion among only lesbians (and in some case gay men), included some ex- and soon-to-be flatmates.
I never cared about people's sexual orientation. But I am no longer sure how I feel to be the only straight person in the house. I wonder if this is what gay people feel or used to feel in the past. Don't like this feeling very much, but maybe it's just something I need to get used to. Come on, it can't be worse than sharing the house with the dodgy Polish builder ;)
By the way, I was asked to marry a lesbian to give her European citizenship. It was just a suggestion, but well, if I had wanted I could have been married!
I was explaining this to my sister via sms (we talk about anything and more) and I accidentally sent one (I hope only one) of the texts to my mother!!! Argh! I hope my sister will save me. Or I'd better say to save my mother: I am worried about her reaction... I hope she didn't understand the message :p By the way, next time mum complains that I am a spinster I can tell her I had my chance but didn't want it :)

Finally, my eyes start feeling tired. The rain is gently hitting the window. Maybe I should try and fall into Morpheus' arms instead of publishing so much useless content :)