.. .: :: Francesca's delirium :: :. ..

Sigh! This is the last day of adsl conection! I don't know how I will do without!!! It will last for at least 2 months... It won't be easy to get back to the old 56K modem, to connect only on late night and only when my sister is not at the phone (mission: impossible!).
This morning I tried to post a message before going downtown with my friend Anna. But it didn't work... Paola wrote me that it was even impossible to get to this blog!
I tried again this afternoon, but again it didn't work. This is the nth time I've edited and tried to post a message! Let's hope it works!
This afternoon I wanted to go to the gym, but my muscles are aching bad! The GAG lesson I attended on Tuesday almost killed my muscles, which haven't moved since May 2004 *LOL* So, I went shopping with my mum and sister. I hope I'll be able to go to the gym tomorrow... I feel like a old old woman ^_^
Yesterday afternoon I went with my sister to the cinema and we watched Home on the range. It was funny, though I liked Chicken Run best.
Oh and this evening, before trying to post this message for the nth time, I saw Kate and Leopold... So lovely! ^_^
There's a lot of movies I want to see, but I don't know if I will ever watch all of them... Also, it's ages I haven't read a book! Does my time fly faster than other people's time?
Ok. Time to go. Let's hope I'll finally manage to publish this post!

I'm falling asleep, it's late and my head is aching... But I had to do several things in internet...
I still have a couple of days with the adsl connection, and then... Oh my God! *_*
I've just watched a nice movie with my sister and my mum! It's Two Weeks Notice with Sandra Bullock and Hugh Grant. It is just a silly, funny love story with a predictable, maybe even pathetic happy ending... That's exactly my favorite kind of movie, especially in this period ^_^ I loved this movie, I need things like this ^_^
I'm also hapy because the Italian hostages Simona Pari and Simona Torretta are alive! I truly believed they were not! This is an unexpected ray of light! Wow!
Other reasons to be happy? Well, last weekend I went downtown with Maria Chiara to the European Market fair. It's a pity it comes here only for a weekend every year! There were a lot of French, Austrian, and especially Dutch products. I bought some delicious caramel round-shaped wafers (anyone knows them?) and some tulip bulbs. Maria Chiara bought the last pack of BLACK tulips! I exchanged 2 of some red ones I bought with 2 of hers... I can't wait to see them blossom!!! I have always dreamt of seeing a black tulip (and anime lovers know why!). Well, next weekend wil be the last one with Maria Chiara and Marco for a long time. Japan is waiting for them! I'm so happy for them! I hope that in 3 years I will manage to pay them a visit! That's a big dream of mine. But first, I need a job.
This morning I went to the blood donors club and I gave one of the 2 yearly doses of blood. I think this is something everybody should do, it's not a big effort for you, you run the risk of saving someone's life and you even have a free blood-test once a year! ^_^
Ok. Time to go to bed. This afternoon I tried the GAG course at the gym. Not bad, though there was too much choreography, that is not what I need. I felt completely awkward! Well, I will try other courses in the next weeks!
I haven't started studying yet... Ok, in a few days I will have no adsl connection and maybe I will find some time to study... Let's hope! °_°

Wowowow! I can't wait! Tomorrow I'll finally join a gym. I've done no physical training since May! I never go to the gym in Summer, because when the sun shines I can't resist in a close space °_°
But, when Autumn arrives, I start getting nervous because I can't spend much time outdoor, so I have to do something to loosen stress. Come on lazy Fra, it's already October and you ate too much! Time to take care of my body and health *LOL* Honestly, I chat a lot in the gym. But well, that's part of the cure for stress. The sad thing is that after 3 years at the California Gym, I have to change. My parents give me the money, and I have to go to a cheaper gym, called Big's Gym. I will miss all my friends at California Gym, but who knows maybe I can find other nice people in the new one. At least, I will try for 3 months. If I really can't stay at Big's Gym, I will ask my parents for more money. But to tell the truth, I hope I'l like the new one. I want to meet new people, and this might be the only way for me. It's not easy to meet people here!
This afternoon I've been out for a walk with Maria Chiara and Marco. They are leaving for Japan and they will stay there for 3 years! I'm happy for them from the bottom of my heart, but it's so hard to find nice people that I'm a little sad...I will miss them bad ç_ç
Ok. Just a short post. From tomorrow on, I will try to study (oh my God, what a terrible word!) something they could ask me at a job interview... I have not been called for a job interivew yet, but you never know... Needless to say, the most of my time will be spent looking for a job. Maybe I should pray for a miracle instead *LOL*
Well. I'll try not to draw too much any longer. I hid all my colors and brushes away. I have to think of my future +_+ But...I perfectly know where my brushes and colors are, and it's not difficult to find them *LOL* I have almost finshed my 3rd oil painting... It's worse than an addiction! Other things I am absolutely crazy for? Obviously Garasu no Kamen, and also music, especially The Reason by Hoobastank, Misread by Kings of Convenience and songs by Keane...

No, I am not in love. I just posted the 'Breakfast at Tiffany's' lyrics because this is one of my favorite songs ever and I don't feel like posting in this period.
I have tons of little things to do (besides looking for a job) but there are not special events in my life to write about... Moreover I'm too tired to post long messages.
I have been spending the last two days downloading data sheets for a friend of my mother's and I'm a little fed up of internet. On the other hand, since the beginning of October I will not have the adsl connection any longer (I hope this will not last longer than a month!) and I have to surf the net as much as possible. This is tiring, but I have to admit that I will never be completely fed up of it :)
Movies I've recently watched:
The Body with A. Banderas. I LOVE it!
The Return of the King (second time I've seen it)... Arwen I envy you so much :)
Well, I just want to thank my friends who comment my blog, send a big hug to Izumi and say hello world!

You say that we've got nothing in common

No common ground to start from

And we're falling apart

You'll say the world has come between us

Our lives have come between us

Still I know you just don't care

And I said, 'What about Breakfast at Tiffany's'

She said, 'I think I remember the film

And as I recall, I think, we both kinda liked it'

And I said, 'Well, that's one thing we got'

I see you...The only one who knew me

And now your eyes see through me

I guess I was wrong

So what now? It's plain to see we're over

And I hate when things are over

When so much is left undone

And I said, 'What about Breakfast at Tiffany's'

She said, 'I think I remember the film

And as I recall, I think, we both kinda liked it'

And I said, 'Well, that's one thing we got'

You say that we've got nothing in common

No common ground to start from

And we're falling apart

You'll say the world has come between us

Our lives have come between us

Still I know you just don't care

And I said, 'What about Breakfast at Tiffany's'

She said, 'I think I remember the film

And as I recall, I think, we both kinda liked it'

And I said, 'Well, that's one thing we got'

Well. Depression doesn't want to get away, I'm still lonely and unemployed but there are many things which make me dream...
1) MANGA I've just bought part of my monthly manga dose and I have already read Garasu no Kamen n.36. Simply irresistable! I wanted to cry for joy!!!! I can't believe that soon I'll read all the published volumes of the set, and I will start to be delirious because Suzue Miuchi hasn't written an ending yet
2) MOVIES There are so many movies I want to see!
- Le Chiavi di Casa by Gianni Amelio with Kim Rossi Stuart
- King Arthur by Antoine Fuqua
- Home on the Range by William Finn and John Sanford (Disney)
- Mar Adentro by Alejandro Amenabar
- Shark Tale by Dreamworks
I hope I'll watch them all :)
3) THEATRE I'm looking for info... Maybe my mum will give me the money to subscribe to the drama season 2004-2005. I usually don't let my parents pay for me (this is why I have never traveled, sigh!) but I need to escape from reality so maybe this time I'll accept a little gift hehehe Well, I'm not sure, but it's nice to make a wish :)
4) SURVIVAL INSTINCT I cannot cry all the time :)
Have a nice weekend.

Yesterday I saw Farenheit 9/11 with Paola and Mauryz. I kinda liked it, though I fell asleep from time to time... It's not my fault, they wanted to go to the last (10.15 p.m.) show! 2 hours of newsreel, with no break, until after midnight are too much for me *LOL*
Jokes apart, the film impressed me. I don't think it is 100% true, but it's a good job anyway. Some scenes were cruel, some really touching. I wish this movie will help people to understand what's going on... But...More than 300 innocents, many of which were children, killed in a school in Russia... Can this be explained or understood? If yes, I don't catch it.

I don't like posting sad messages, but I guess that I wll be more and more depressed until I find a job...I need something that keeps me busy. Staying at home is allucinating. I can't make my parents understand that I am a 25 (soon 26...Sigh!) year-old woman and not their dog. I've always done anything they wanted me to do (included choosing Materials Engineering, which is the biggest mistake in my life - so far) and they are used to see me always at home. So I guess they are someway more attached to me than to my brothers. My brothers are 1 year younger than me, but they have always been freer than me. I guess I am the fool one everyone take advantage of :( The problem is that they are much more than overprotecting, and either I always do what they want and stay with them, or I have to discuss with them. This is exactly what happens often and what happened a couple of hours ago. I can't believe I have to feel a sense of guilt only because I want to go for a walk in the wood alone and not with them! I would love to cry, but I cried too much in the previous year and I have no more tears. The only thing I can think of is finding a job, so that I can start looking for a little shelter of mine and mine alone :)
Well, there are enough reasons to look for a job. I sent 2 CVs+letters to 2 important companies in Trieste. I am praying that they will at least give me a chance to have an interview...
Would you believe that my father wants to read the letters and CVs I send? I appreciate his help, but it took me a week to send them because he wanted me to change things every day :(
Idiot me, I'll never have good luck in life >_<

Last but not least, I am so disillusioned and cynical about friendship, now more than ever, that I think I will be a hermit in a few years *_*
I know I'm a dreamer... But every day I get a shock from someone I love or I'm fond of. Since I graduated, all my University mates disappeared. But well, this is OK. Everyone is thinking about his/her future, and is afraid of rivals in job-hunting. I understand that. Unemployment is such a big problem here!!! [.........Homo homini lupus...........]
But this is not what makes me suffer. The thing I can't accept is that I have only a very small number of people I call friends (probably only 2 girls). I know them for a very long time and I love them as if they were my brothers. Well, maybe just a little less than my brothers :p
Anyway, I might sound ridiculous, but for these ones I would do almost anything. If they called me at night and needed someone to talk to, I'll be there. If they asked me for a favour, I would do it at any cost. I am happy when they are happy and I'm sorry for them if something goes wrong. I have never envied them for any reason. But well, I expect too much from them. I realized they both envy me (God knows why), they both makes comparison with me and one of them wants to himitate too many things I do. This gives me goose-flesh. Really. I always give people who wants to be clones of mine a wide berth. I can't really stand them. But when it's a close friends of yours, it hurts. It took me years, but I have to admit that they suffered a little when I passed an exam and were not too sorry when I failed one. As if I was the only one they have to compete with!!! There are so many people on this damn Earth! So many people who have more success than me and them!!! Why they feel good if they do something better than me? Anyway, I think men have not this kind of problems. They are not so envious and hypocrite.
But, I don't believe in friendship between a man and a woman. It never works...Unless he is gay...But I don't know any unluckily :p
Ok. I'll stop here. I had to tell this to someone. My sisters always says that I will always be alone if I don't stop expecting from people what I can give them. But well, this is my blog and if I don't unbosom myself here...Where else?

Good night. I think I need a lot of sleep. Have a nice weekend all!