.. .: :: Francesca's delirium :: :. ..

Sorry I am too depressed to post.
Nothing special happened, the situation at work is not bad, anyway my private life is really depressing. I think I need some rest, and probably the monthly painful days are on the way... I hate those days more than anything else...

... E che, ho scritto Gioconda sulla fronte?



I'll be back, sooner or later >_<

Oh well, here I am again. It's very hard to keep this blog updated, and still I don't give up :)
I really needed to create a new template, since the previous one was too chaotic and I need to put some order in my life. At least, this is the plan :)
I am not good at keeping the promises I make to myself *LOL*
I think I had the good intention of sleeping more and eating better already last year, and still I go on promising it's time for a change ^_^
Well, finally I managed to give the keys back to my boss. I didn't get a cent for 5 months of useless work, and he made other cutting remarks on me.
But I could smile and even say: 'I'm sorry'. Because in my heart, I was already free!
Starting from Monday, I will collaborate with two guys who have a little graphic studio.
They're about my age, and they've just started with this business (I guess the boss had an other office before, but this one exists since January).
Ok, it's not a regular job, I have no guarantees, no schedules, low salary, blah blah blah. But well, it's not engineers stuff and that's enough.
Moreover, I run the risk of loving what I do even if I have to work long hours and even if I will not have holidays. The other graphic studios laughed at me, so this is the only chance I will ever have. I hope I'll learn many things!
I hope I'm not too engineerized already :) No, I am not: even my (ex) boss told me I am more likely to succeed in such an activity rather than in an engineering office. Maybe he wanted to offend me, but I was so happy for what he said!
You have to know that the day before yesterday I got an offer from an other engineer, and this offer seemed to be more serious. Well, at least he wanted to teach me some things I don't really care of for 6 months with the money from the European Social Fund, and maybe after that...Who knows. It's not even sure he would employ me. Anyway, I have a stomach ache when I think of the future I would have had if I had accepted.
Needless to say, I prefer try at the graphic studio. I had been waiting for a job offer for engineers for one and a half years, and I got it only when I had already decided to try to follow an other (better) direction! Only one month ago, I would have accepted the offer at the engineering office. But since I had the courage to enter the new graphic studio and ask them to make me work there, and since they accepted, I would never forgive myself for not trying.
It will be easier for me to find other job offers from engineers rather than an opportunity like this one.
Ok, it will be hard to work so much and for such a few money, but well, I survived the University and 5 months with a nasty boss...!!!
Many friends suggested me that I should have studied when I was alone at the engineer's office. Well, to be honest, I am not interested at all in studying laws about buildings and environment, and I am not interested in studying theory any longer. I need to DO something, I am fed up of studying and studying! I will study only if I can find an application for what I have to learn. I have already wasted my time studying tons of useless things. My father blames me for this, but I can't change my mind.
Well, I think that's enough for now.
I do not know what my mood will be in a week, and if I will have some free time, but I will find the way not to lose contacts with my e-friends, to update my sites, to read manga. I can sleep less than 5 hours sometimes! Hahaha just kidding.
Anyway, I promised my mum that I will buy only the manga which I have already started buying, and I will not buy new ones. They are too expensive indeed, and anyway I like the classic ones much more than the recent ones, and only a few classic ones are published.
Sigh..Money!!! Will I ever be independant? Sigh, there is such a long road to walk...
Let's just be happy for the little good things of everyday life ^_^
Have a nice weekend!!!

I'm tired, terribly tired.
I don't remember a night when I've slept more than 5 hours in the last months.
In the morning I'm more worn out than in the evening *_*

I know that people consider me stupid and childish as I only speak about manga and food and I spend all my spare time (and all my nights) drawing and working at my site. But well, I can't help it. I need to escape in my other world in order not to get completely insane. Maybe I am already, but I need to believe that something can be saved ;) Soon it will be 5 months I've been working (I'd better say volunteering) at an engineer's office. No money, I've just learnt some CAD and I have been scolded several times for not being a good secretary (by the way I am not paid to be a secretary, I am supposed to be there to learn something…). I would accept all these things for a salary. But not a single cent. And I can't get out of this nightmare because I there is nothing else to do at the moment. I even personally knocked at the doors to ask some offices if they need me someway. It's hard to do that, I'm terribly shy!!!

I've just had a couple of job interviews, and got some offers to work for free. I am going to accept one only if I really like it.
As far as the old job interviews... Who knows! There is that company working at Interior Design for ships (i.e. use of AutoCAD) where I had the 2 test-days. No news from them, and I saw on the newspaper that they're looking for people. I called them and I asked for an answer, they said they would call me but they didn't. The funny thing is that they asked me complete honesty and loyalty. And then, they act so miserably. So disgusting.

Do friends exist? I think I am destined to be an hermit. It's a nightmare, my friends always abandon me when they find a boyfriend and get back to me when they break up. Is this the only goal of their lives? I pity them all. Even though I know they pity me for being a old spinster :)

I will not say anything about the referendum of June 12th and 13th. I don't think foreigners are interested and I already talked about it in Italian with Italian friends. Only one thing: an embryo is a human being, I will never change my mind about this.

Oh! Clementina Cantoni was released... What a coincidence... Nobody paid for the release (and the fact that the mother of one of the kidnappers was set free from the jail is not related at all with it), they treated her very well, she will get back there as soon... Same old story. I wonder why those people don't volunteer here in Italy. I bet there are people needing for help everywhere. Maybe it's much less paid and you will never be on the TV news if you help a old and lonely man living nextdoor. Hohoho I think I will get a lot of insults for what I wrote. Sorry, it's late night and I haven't slept more than 5 hours a night in the last days, so I can't control what I am writing. *_*

Well… What else? I wish I were in Napoli in these days:

1. The Italian Marine celebrated on Friday 10th the Marine Day, with solemn celebrations and a wonderful parade with ships... Aaaah! Obviously my beloved President Ciampi was there. I wish I were there too, standing in the crowd and taking photos ^_^

2. My dear Ciro Ferrara had a party to celebrate his 'Goodbye to soccer'... He invited a lot of people, even Maradona who used to play with him so many years ago. I was so moved by this long date friendship among team mates! Anyway Ferrara is a great soccer player, a nice person and a great singer :) I hope he will go on singing hehehe

HAVE A NICE WEEKEND ALL!