.. .: :: Francesca's delirium :: :. ..

Well, I usually don't post from my workplace but there is nothing to do and I am really disappointed...
I should have learnt from the past that I'd better not post any messages here as soon as something bad happens, but I really can't help it and I have nobody to talk about it.
So sorry, I can't wait to feel better... It might take me too much.
This afternoon my boss came in and said: 'I can't stand it anymore, the customer didn't pay as usual, there are too many taxes to pay and the office rental is too high...I'll give up!'.
Oh, sh*t!
I already know that things are not going well (after all, that's Italy), but I'm used to listen to his complaints every day and I didn't imagine he would made up his mind so suddendly.
I already knew that he will not employ me after the work experience finishes (in April) and that I will have to look for an other job. But this happens after 3 months of work-experience, half the time it should last.
I even asked him to help me to find a part time job so that I could go on collaborating part-time with him after those 6 months.
He said: 'Yes, we'll work on it', but now I know he is looking for a job himself so he wouldn't ever help me, as we are someway rivals in this job-search.
He told me that he will wait for my work experience to finish, but if things go on like that it's hell.
Now he's in a bad mood, not saying a word, surfing the net looking for a job, he doesn't care to finish his works, go figure if he accepts to teach me how to use some programs as he told me a long time ago (those programs are only in his computer).
And still I have to spend here my whole day? If things go on like that, I will ask him for half a day to go to job-recruitment agencies and to bring personally my CV to some small companies around.
I cannot give up because I will not get the scholarship, unless I find an other job (mission: impossible!).
I am not so angry at him, even if he've always been complaining about all the people who have not been loyal to him and I think he's not different from them.
I myself think that everyone on Earth has to worry about himself/herself first. We are not saints, we have to survive. Anyway, for me this was a bitter little surprise...


End of a dream.
I knew it wouldn't last much, but I didn't expect that it would end that way.
In a few days my father will be back home and I already imagine how happy he will be to have more reasons to reprimand me >_<
Sometimes I do hate Italy.

*LOL*
It is trashy isn't it? I love it! :)
Well I am lazying on this boring rainy weekend... The previous layout was my favourite one, but I like to change... I need to see the colours of this new layout from the computer at my work place (on Monday), because my computer screen always show very light colours... So this page might change in the following days.
Now I really have to stop. You can't imagine how much time I spent at the computer to create this page *LOL*
I already imagine some people's comments ^_^
Have a nice weekend nice people!!!

Ok, I will start with a useless chain game (thanks Cecilia *LOL*)

SEVEN SEVENS:

***
Seven things I hope I will do before I die:

1. to find a paid job (a job I like hopefully... Do I wish too much?)

2. to buy my own house

3. to read the end of Garasu no Kamen (Miuchi Sensei, please!)

4. to visit many Europeans and Asian countries (I've never traveled abroad yet... Sigh!)

5. to learn Japanese

6. to attend at least 1 drawing class (sigh! a lifetime dream ç_ç)

7. to make peace with food ^_^

***
Seven things I am not able to do

1. to park a car ^_^

2. to be relaxed *_*

3. to accept unfairness -_-

4. to trust someone who betrayed my faith once -_-

5. to lose weight ç_ç

6. to disintoxicate from internet and computers @_@

7. to tell lies >_<

***
Seven things I don't like about my boyfriend

What the hell? I'd rather not answer this

***
Seven books I love

1. Jane Eyre (Charlotte Bronte)

2. Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen)

3. Sense and Sensibility (and all Jane Austen's other books)

4. Memoirs of a Geisha (Arthur Golden)

5. Il fu Mattia Pascal (Luigi Pirandello)

6. La casa de Los Espiritus (Isabelle Allende)

7. Wuthering Heights (Emily Bronte)

***
Seven movies I love and I would watch again and again

1. Lady Hawke

2. Meet Joe Black

3. Pride and Prejudice (Colin Firth)

4. Sense and Sensibility (Alan Rickman)

5. Emma (Jeremy Northam)

6. Anna and the King (Yun-Fat Chow)

7. While you were sleeping (Bill Pullman)

***
Seven people I would ask to go on with this Seven Seven Game

1. Shari

... I don't think anyone else would read this ^^

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Well, let's talk about more interesting subjects!

Memoirs of a Geisha (oh no, again!!!)

^_^

First off, I have to thank my Junko for the precious info I could write in the previous post in this blog.
Maybe there's a chance she can tell me what a Japanese think of the BOOK! Yes, the book was translated into Japanese. I loved the book more than the movie, especially for the details about Japanese culture and geishas lives.
I need to know if there are errors or misunderstandings.
I will keep you updated, whether you are interested or not *LOL*

I am going to add some impressions by friends of mine:

* Junko added that she watched a screen shot of the movie, and she had the impression that Sayuri's Kimono is not put on correctly. Generally speaking, kimono doesn't fit good on a tall woman.

* my little friend Bea (Italian) went to the cinema with her Japanese friend. her comments:
1. The actresses don't walk as a real geisha would walk
2. The obi (kimonos' belt) is often fastened in a wrong way (Junko told me the same)
3. Sayuri's performance was not Japanese at all (this is exactly what I thought when I saw it!!!)

* Aliko (Italian) told me the film was horrible, a sort of 'Beautiful' (American trashy soap opera), with the exception of the solo performance. I understand Aliko's feelings and point of view and I can agree with her, because I wanted to see just a likely Japanese story. But how can she love Sayuri's solo performance? It disgusted me, because it was too Hollywood-styled!
Anyway, thanks for telling me your impressions sister, love you ^_^

* Go is a Japanese man, but after my requests he watched the movie (gomen Go!! LOL). He is not too hard on Americans, and he is happy when Westerners become interested in Japanese culture. When I asked him if it seems a likely movie, he told me that I already knew the answer: after all, the movie is American ^_^

Now there is an other thing I am going to investigate about.
But it won't be easy to ask Japanese people questions about it. hehehe

I read in an Italian blog that the geisha Iwasaki Mineko, who inspired the book Memoirs of a Geisha, was really mad at the author Arthur Golden. She felt betrayed by the writer who had been interviewing her while he was working at the book. She read the book in delay because she had to wait for a Japanese translation. She said that Golden took the story of her life and wrote it in the form of a novel, adding many invented details and lies. In her opinion, the book is only about sex, and the heroine looks like a prostitute. Iwasaki Mineko is afraid that the readers may think she is a prostitute. She also added that in the book women look like stupid beings, running after money and changing men often. She said that the geisha system is just created to give women a chance to get independance: We are artists, sex has got nothing to do with it.

Well, is there anyone who can tell me the truth about geishas? I am terribly interested in the subject.
Let me tell you what I think about Iwasaki Mineko's comment.
(Please note that I am talking about Geishas in the movie, before the 2nd WW. I cannot say anything about modern Geishas)

1. Sorry madam, but how would you expect that an American man could make a likely Japanese movie and understand your culture perfectly? After all, it's Hollywood.

2. I like the book. I didn't think Geishas are prostitutes, and I didn't think women look stupid. They look mean, vindictive, ready to do anything to reach for their goal, spiteful, competitive, but this is because they are unfortunate. They are
obliged to act like that to be the most popular and the richest so that they can hope to be independent. Also, they are very smart and cunning.

3. Sorry, but I think sex has got much to do with it. I respect geishas and I am not here to judge anyone. Their situation is better than being prostitutes. But I cannot see them as free or independent women.

3.a. They have been sold by their families in most cases, probably because of poverty. This means they didn't choose to be geishas.

3.b.They are artists indeed, but their goal is finding a danna, that is a man who will mantain them... Right? I think they have sex with their danna, am I wrong?

3.c. Of course, many Westen women (and also men) have sex and even get married for money. But this is a choice they make as adults, not something they are destined to and trained for since they were kids.

3.d. Moreover, what about mizuage? The young geisha (maiko?) sells her virginity to the man who makes the best offer. I think this has got much to do with sex.

3.e. Maybe the only independant geishas are the ones who manage to be adopted by the Mothers of the oikya and become Mothers themselves. But what about the geishas who are not adopted? Will they all have a sad life like Hatsumomo?
And anyway, I think they they are not young when they become Mothers, so they cannot live a normal life, getting married and having children. Also, a Mother lives thanks to other young Geishas, so it's like a never ending circle.

3.f. Anyway, can a Geisha, at least a Geisha who becomes a Mother get married???
(and even if she could, I think a Mother of oikya is too old to have kids, am I right?)

3.g. They say a Geisha is forbidden to fall in love.
Once again, why? If a geisha is independent, why can't she fall in love?
She is a slave of the oikya, isn't she?

3.h. Last question. I would really like to know if Geishas have sex only with their dannas and with the best bidder for her mizuage. So, should I believe Geishas are so well paid just to talk, serve tea, dance and play music? I already said that I am not here to judge, I would really love to understand how it really works. Is there someone who can tell me the truth about it?

I am afraid Japanese people are too shy to talk about this subject (also, maybe some of them don't know much about Geishas). I don't know if I will ever ask them.

Anyway, I read an interesting interview to Mineko Iwasaki: click here
She says that everything is a lie, even the mizuage thing. Honestly I don't believe her completely. How is it possible that all these things have been invented by foreigners? Maybe she was a lucky geisha. She said she never had sex, not even at her
mizuage, and she retired at the age of 29, got married and have kids.

Forgive me, but I think she was an exception.
Moreover, Mineko Iwasaki was born after the second world war, and I guess the Gion quarter could be completely different from the Gion where the book take place.
Oh anyway!!! GREAT!!! She wrote an autobiography. I do hope it will be translated into Italian, because I want to read it at any cost!!!

Ok... I think that's enough for now ^_^

What else could I say?

Well, I am trying to think only of pleasant things.

Suzue Miuchi wrote a message on her official site saying she is working at volume 43 (as I wrote in the news section of my Garasu no Kamen site), isn't it cool?? I am so excited! Maybe we will read volume 43 in 2006! Wow!!!

I finally watched the last episodes of Garasu no Kamen Drama series 2. Waaah!!! I fell in love with Masumi Hayami more than ever! In the drama, Masumi has the balls to do what his hearts want to do! I love him (especially with wet hair LOL).
Now only the special ending is left. I am so happy I found it and I could send a copy to my dear Awrittensin who is going to sub it. Love you girl!!!

Also, yesterday I bought myself a present. A book with all the poems by Ungaretti (a great Italian poet whom I adore!). I am very happy!!! My sister and my mother are fed up with me because I always buy books (especially art books) and colors while I dress up like a beggar... I hate spending money for clothes ^^ I am hopeless ^^

Well, it's a lazy Sunday afternoon... I hope you all had a great weekend!
Matane!

Well, well, well, holidays are already a distant memory and I am already so stressed that I feel like I was 50! Wow! And I can't forget that I was hoping to get back to work *LOL*

Infact, my sister is moving to her own house. I am so happy for her, though I will miss her bad. We've slept in the same room for 26 years, since she was born!!! I have never felt so lonely (and she is still at our home for a couple of months ^_^). I wonder what will happen to my precarious psychological balance *_*
Anyway, I had many projects of relaxing, drawing and painting, and I did none of those things. All I did was moving furniture, painting walls, and visiting many furniture/kitchens/bathrooms shops. I wonder if one day I will do those things for myself... Sigh, I am so afraid I will be never be able to live alone *_*
Anyway, I think I will visit my sister often, at least I will have somewhere to go ^_^ And she is just one or two kilometres from where my family and I live!!! I just hope her boyfriend will not sleep at her home every night hehe

Tonight I promised not to switch my computer on because of my bad health conditions (spend several months at 12+ hours a day at the computer, sleep not more than 5 hours a day, let me know the results), but since I got back from theatre at 11.30 p.m. and I was so hungry that I had supper at midnight... Now it's 1.15 a.m. and I am typing a post in my blog... I am going slightly mad...

I have just finished answering some short emails from the visitors of my Garasu no Kamen site... I am so disappointed... The most of them are:

Wow, great site but...
do you know where can I buy the manga/DVD/whatever?
where I can download...
???
Why does nobody look at the FAQs of my site? I feel so stupid always answering the same things! I should prepare a standard response not to waste hours ç_ç
Anyway, for thos 1% of visitors who write me compliments, it's worth while going on ^_^

Anyway, anyway...
helping my sister with the new house and furniture was not the only thing I did!!! How did I spend the nights???? Hehehe:
Ladies and gentlemen, I am proud to introduce you all the wonderful site I am making with the great collaboration of Cecilia
Orpheus no Mado Encyclopaedia
It's still under HEAVY construction, and it will keep me busy for centuries *LOL* I am very proud of this project! Let's hope the public will appreciate! Comments, suggestions, any help is welcome (Kate I am afraid I will write you soon LOL but don't worry ^_^)

I watched The Chronicles of Narnia, and I didn't dislike it. I didn't expect much, then I enjoy it. I don't think I will ever read the book, and maybe I will not go to the cinema to watch other episodes (if any) but I can't complain about that movie.

As far as Memoires of a Geisha, I have to say that I am desperately interested in what Japanese people think about it. I am interested in this topic more than the movie itself!!! Are you interested too?
Let me tell you what I found out. (Thanks to all the people who answered my question. You are not too many, but very special ones hehe)

1. It seems that a very small number of Japanese watched it.
2. It seems that the Japanese who watched it didn't like it.

Only one person could tell me about the movie, and she didn't watch it herself, but she has a friend who is a cinema addict and who watched it.
What I was told deeply interested me. Let me tell you some points.

1. Japanese generally give a hard look at Hollywood movies about Japan
2. The atmosphere of the town and the lines isn't like Kyoto. Japanese feel like wondering "Where are we?"
3. It seemed like a story of Edo period, but actually the very beginning is in the early Showa period.
*Edo period :1603-1867, Showa period :1926-1989
4. Some people expected to see the traditional performance of geisha and where disappointed
5. Screen image, costumes, and actresses are very beautiful, but Zhang Ziyi has broad shoulders, too long legs and arms, too small face, so her kimono looks like put on a hunger.

Waaaah! I am so interested in this topic!!! Only Japanese people could notice those things!!!!
I'm very happy... Do you think I am normal???
Oh by the way, the Japanese title of the movie is "SAYURI".

My friend Maria Chiara is having a hard time in Kyoto. Now I look back and sadly smile. I remember how I dreamt of being picked up to spend 3 months there for my degree thesis. How stupid, I believed it was a fair thing.
But, the 3 students had already picked up among the teacher's favourites. That's not me.
Now I think I would have hated Japan if I had lived there that way. Maria Chiara is the only female Engineer among male Engineers in Japan. Can you imagine that? Yes, the teacher and some colleagues are Italian, but they feel so cool because they can find easily Japanese girlfriends (while in Italy...Hehehe), and they are even more male-centered than Japanese society. I hate them all. She is even cut off the briefing meetings among the teacher and his students. I couldn't live like that, I would kill them all. I am happy I am not there. She works long hours every day, she can see Japan only on Sundays... Is that life? For 4 years?

Well, it's almost 2 a.m. and I am almost killed.

Ok, Tomorrow I will watch the 40th episode of Garasu no Kamen the anime I have just downloaded. Now I must go to bed...

OH NO!! ALIKO wrote me! I MUST read her long long mail... My God, tonight I will sleep for 3 hours ç_ç But...It is definitely worth while! Love you sister!!!

Tadaima!!!
I've just watched Memoirs of a Geisha!!!
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
I didn't know it! I didn't know that the chairman I already loved when I read the book is performed by KEN WATANABE!!! Well, don't ask me why, but I am in love with him since I saw The Last Samurai (I didn't even noticed Tom Cruise in that movie ^_^)... So, when I saw that the sexiest male character of the movie had Watanabe's face... I melted like snow in the sun!!! Definitely I LOVE THAT ACTOR; I LOVE THAT MOVIE and I MUST BUY THE DVD one day ^_^
Well, the first movie I watched this year was definitely great.
I'm very very happy ^_^
Anyway, I'll try to contact as many Japanese as possible to ask them what they think of the movie. I really want to know their opinon. Could they feel Japanese culture in that movie or is it just a Westernization? I'm very very interested in it. I have to know :)

Hohoho by the way I saw the trailer of a movie with Johnny Depp and John Malkovich together (The Libertine)! My God, do you want to kill me? 2 of the actors I love most, together in one single movie! I could have a heart attack!! *LOL* By the way, I am not sure I would like the movie itself. If I watched it, it would be only for the actors ^_^

Oh, I want to thank all the people who cheered me up about my dad, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Some apologized for they didn't comment my private facts. Please, please don't feel obliged to comment. Any message from anyone of you is more than welcome, no matter if it's about the weather or about peace on earth.
I usually write down in this blog whatever passes by in my mind... I have no control of it... Gomen ^_^

Unluckily my father and I had the nth big discussion and he will not speak to me for some months. It happens often, so I should be used to it. Anyway, he left for Southern Italy on the first day of January, he will spend a month at his mother's. I hope he can relax a little, even though he is not able to spend a month with someone else without arguing. And I will try to disintoxicate from his insults and expectations. Well, I will also try to understand what's wrong with me. I am afraid I have the same bad temperament as my father and this worries me more and more.
Anyway, I don't want to talk more about this. I guess nobody can help me but myself.
Sometimes I watch all the drawings and quotations and short poems on my school diaries and I guess I was destined to be a lonely soul. I don't know if it's a good or bad thing, I think I should just accept myself. Easy tell ne?

By the way,I found a dangerous medicine to fight against my I-am-going-to-shut-all-my-sites-down-and-disappear attacks!!!
I am working hard at a new site...*LOL* This time it's about an other shoujo manga, Orpheus no Mado by the divine Riyoko Ikeda!
To tell the truth, besides Garasu no Kamen I adore Berusaiyu no Bara, but there is already a very complete (almost perfect) site in English about it, and I couldn't add more info. Moreover, since I own the Orpheus no Mado fanlisting, several fans write me to ask questions about the manga... I have been thinking of creating this site for a long time, but honestly I would have never had the time and energies to make it...
Until Cecilia told me the last time we met that she would be glad to make a site together, she would write summaries and reviews and I would take care of layout, images and graphics! Blame on you, Cecilia... You don't know what you did ^_^ I do hope that this project will go on!!!

Well, I think I need to sleep. Before I go to bed, I want to send a big hug to whoever is reading this post. Who should I thank this time? Mmmh, let's see!!!
Thanks to my Italian friends who try to read my ridiculous English! I adore you all ^_^
Thanks to all the non-English and non-Italian visitors, I am sorry but English is the only language we can use to communicate... It's funny, I think no English native speaker ever read my blog ^_^
Last but not least, thank you Japan, home of Suzue Miuchi, Riyoko Ikeda, and Ken Watanabe!!! ^_^

Mmmh. I swear, I never drink alcohol. I have just been to the cinema and then at my favourite Chinese restaurant. I didn't take anything strange. It's just that I really need to sleep ^_^ Matane!!!! Zzzzz