.. .: :: Francesca's delirium :: :. ..

Enough is enough.
How come happysmile is posting those terrible and boring monologues?
Thanks to those who scolded me :)
Well, from certain points of view, I feel better now.
I just have to recover from the cold I got since I spent the whole wednesday afternoon at the seaside (with +5°C and the wind blowing) but well I am happy to know that I will see a certain ugly face only for a few times yet!
A lot of thanks to all of you!
Very special thanks to Aliko, Angela and Maria Cristina Q for your deep analysis of my boss and my mistakes.
And also to my little sweet Bea, my dear Cecilia, Elena & Maria Mar, etc. etc.
Sorry I cannot continue with this list or I'll miss the bus.

Some nice things?

I'll meet Cecilia in Venice on March 26th! I can't wait!

There is only one more week of iron therapy for this season! Yeah! I hate iron!

I am planning to go to London au pair for a while. Starting from August-September. I am contacting some people and I am looking for info in internet. I hope I will manage to do that. Obviously my father will be the last one to know ^_^

Hey, Saturday 18th March is my wonderful Kate's birthday. She's my longest-term pen pal and even if she knows me rather well she still writes me *LOL* She's really smart, independent and open minded. I respect her so much! And even if English is not her first language (but I know this only because she told me she is Japanese! I still doubt it since her English is almost perfect!!!) and even if she is busy and stressed with her job, everytime I need her help she's there for me. She loves Totti though... Well, nobody is perfect ^_^
Just kidding Kate! You know I support Juve but Totti is handsome and talented ^_^

Happy weekend nice people!!!

I copy and paste an email I have just written to a friend who was waiting for a too long time for an answer.
I hate to annoy too many people with my problems, but since I am getting many emails asking me what's wrong, I will do that, not to write too many times about the same boring subject. Sorry, and feel free not to read this, especially if you already know.


I can't believe things can turn so worse in a few days.
I already knew it from the beginning. I knew my boss was a hopeless liar and a damn opportunist. I knew he is too used to working on his own and too jealous of his works.
I didn't expect to become his friend (actually I did my best not to get too close).
I have realized a long time ago that I was just wasting my time there. I don't know the exact moment it started from, because I always tried to be positive and to hope for a better time to come. I spent the whole summer 2005 at the office, there was nothing to do but he spent the whole days complaining about his ex-collaborator who left him and about his girlfriend (who I hope cheats on him). Everything for free. Hoping there was something to learn, which happened only for maybe 7 days in 9 months. In october finally I got the scholarship, and I knew I would have to stay at the studio for 6 months, 8 hpurs a day, with a record book to sign every day. Hopefully better days would start. No way, a new collaborator arrived and his main goal was to eliminate me. He is absolutely useless and ignorant, but he brought some money so he ruled.
So I got 2 bosses. And they mobbed me, asking me to do humiliating things and saying I was not collaborating at the growth of the studio. After 1 month, the idiot spent all his momey and left. My boss again used me to complain about him. Poor boss, everyone uses and abandon him, he is so good! Pathetic. Probably he is even convinced that this is true.
Anyway, I survived and I prayed better times would come. But there was something bad I noticed. My boss got angry with his last ex-collaborator because he wanted to learn many things, and the boss didn't want to teach. Hahaha. I always told my boss that I was trying not to annoy him, but that I need to learn many things, and that if he doesn't give me tasks I try to learn things from internet. He said it was OK. In January my boss started saying that he was looking for a job, close the studio and so on. He was always in a bad mood, I spent days in the office in absolute silence, while he sent CVs and chatted with the man who now became his new co-worker. This man was an external collaborator, but since the beginning of March he turned his steady job into part-time and he got an other part-time job which he can do at my boss' office.
I started losing faith completely. Since the beginning I welcomed the new co-worker, because he is more talented than my boss, and I hoped I could learn anything.
But my boss made friends with him outside the office, and surely they talked a lot about me. Of course, not to make compliments.
I became more and more nervous, moreover my boss uninstalled the most softwares from my PC and blocked the web-mail. So I could just surf the net all day. Was it a challenge to see how long my nerves resist?
Now I know it was. Because my boss wanted to say that I was the one who left. And he won.

In fact, to cut a very long story shorter, on Friday 10th he finally said that he is fed up of me surfing the net and that he has not time to teach me things. Now he has found the new guy who already knows all the things he needs. I need to sign the record book every day to get the scholarship, and well I thought we decided that I would come only on the mornings while he signed for 8 hours.
On Monday I had an other thing to do, and I told him by sms. He answered: remember to bring back the keys. I was upset. I told him that he will still have to see my face, since we both have to sign the recordbook. He said that I will have to phone and see if he is in before coming.
So yesterday I brought him the keys. I was in the office at 8 and he arrived at 9.40. I brought a book to read while waiting, but I also read his last sent emails.
On that previous Friday he wrote to his new co-worker:
-Hey! The new stagiaire goes away! She told me she will not come any longer here!
-No way! Aren't you happy!
-A little bit. But I am not showing it too much :p

I know it's my fault. I had no doubt the coward would do that. But it hurt me anyway.
Both Aliko and my sister say I am a stupid not to expect this... I know, but I can't help it.
After 9 full time months, I don't even have a name, I am just a stagiaire bothering him. And believe me, the co-worker knows me, he saw me many times and we 3 went to Milano together for a softwares fair.
Also, I hate the fact that the boss is saying around I left.
I am so worried he can make me lose the scholarship.

Well, he arrived, I gave him the keys, he told me there is no need to be polemical (referring to my last sms), and I tried to make him understand that I didn't get anything from this months, while he didn't lose anything. Hopeless. I even asked him why he accepted to be my tutor, and he even insinuated that he didn't understand my knowledge was so poor. My God, I told him exactly what I can do and what I expected to learn, I even gave him a CV and we sent a project to be approved to have the scholarship.
Well, it is just excuses. He is not able to be reasonable.
He finally suggested that if he calls the agency which gives me the scholarship and says that we can't go on with the apprenticeship, they will not give me a cent.

Enough is enough. I gave up.
I will get to the studio every Friday to sign and make him sign for the week days.
Honestly, I don't think I deserve this all.
But I also know that he is not the last *°ç°§éç#@ I will meet in my life and probably not even the worst one.

Now I have to pretend I am doing something, otherwise my father would kill me. He didn't want me to do this 'ridiculous' stage from the beginning.
So, I am going out every day, at least in the mornings... But the weather is so damn cold!
In the meantime, the boss is slandering me around, you know I am looking for a job...
And my sister is in the new house and my father is angry and he doesn't want her to come here for supper.

I don't believe things can only get better. They can get much worse. But please God, give me a break!

Thanks a lot to you all for your support. I'll get over it, just give me time.

I'm back home.
Finally the boss faced the situation.
We talked and finally he apologized for not having time for me.
His new co-worker is the person he needs.
At home again.
Thanks boss for accepting to be my tutor, in almost one year I didn't learn anything and I got many humiliations.

Long time no see huh?
I'm sorry for all the people who wrote me an email a long time ago and who haven't got an answer yet. I'll get back to you as soon.
Since the beginning of the month, my boss has a new co-worker. He's a nice and talented guy, but now my boss acts as if I didn't exist. I have nothing to do all day, I cannot disturb him, but at the same time when there is some dirty work to do (something boring and not creative) he doesn't even ask me because it's my task.
Anyway, I won't go on complaining. I would like to thank the few poor ones I wrote the story of my life to, thanks a lot for your support and patience!
Also, thanks to those who support me even if I haven't told them the whole story.
I am very happy to know you all!
Anyway, now that the co-worker is here, he took the second best computer in the studio, so guess who's got the worst one! I don't have access to the web-mail from there, I think my boss blocked any web-mail site... So I cannot write emails from here, this is so disappointing because I spend whole days at the PC and I cannot do much ç_ç

What else? There is a certain person from a certain country who belongs to a certain fandom who is really getting on my nerves. I wanted to ignore that xxx person after what xxx did, but xxx seems to be interested in slandering me around and I cannot accept it. Oh well, I suppose that I will just accept it and give up.
It's so true, more than friends human beings need to have enemies. How stupid...

Yesterday I saw the last show of the 2005-2006 ballet season.
It was a performance by Aeros, great gymnasts from Romania.
Please check the official site:
AEROS
I cannot believe what I saw. I was so moved that I almost cried. I could not stop clapping my hands!!!
Everything was simply amazing. The lights, the sounds, and their bodies.
I think that when you watch the elegance of their movements, the beauty of their bodies, the perfection of syncronicity you have to believe that God exists someway.
It's impossible that things like that exist just by chance!!!