.. .: :: Francesca's delirium :: :. ..

HELLO WORLD! I'M BACK!!!

Since Monday 25th I've had wireless internet connection from my new house! I am very very happy now. Honestly, I wouldn't ask for more. I don't have a cent, and I don't think I can be an au pair forever, actually I don't even know what happens at the end of my 1 month-trial period. But let me enjoy these days in a beautiful house, in a REALLY nice family. Not that everything is perfect, don't even think that. But I wouldn't change anything, because you can't have everything and I am happy with what I have now:) Muswell Hill is a wonderful place to live and probably if I have to change family again I will look for families in this area, but it's a very posh place and everything here costs too much. So, I have to do my best to find the cheapest ways to survive. This is not too bad sometimes :)

I love the girls very much, they are older than the babies I've looked after so far, but honestly I am surprised at how better this can be sometimes. It's very hard for me to understand always what they say (their English is much more difficult than the one spoken by a baby) but it's really so wonderful when they talk to me. The oldest one is really mature for her age, and she is very sensitive and sweet. Maybe too much, but that's why I liked her straight away. I get on very well with the first children hehe. The little one is very strong, stubborn and determined, but at the same time she's an affectionate child who still loves cuddles sometimes (and I love cuddles too!) and the more I know her, the more I love her. If I ever have some children, I hope they are like them. But there is a risk that my children will be similar to me, so I'd better not have any LOL
Anyway, don't envy me, I also have a lot of housework to do (or maybe it's me who is too slow *gh*), and in the evenings I am always too tired to do something useful (I promised myself that I have to read Jane Austen's book and study computer stuff, but for the moment I am not doing much...). But honestly I do some housework in my own house too, so it's not too bad for me.
The very bad thing is that mum & girls eat a lot of food I adore, included loads of fruits, vegetables, bread, muesli and cereals, and cakes and bisctuits. I lost some weight in 1 month in the previous family, I have already gained it back with interests in 2 weeks. While mother and girls are so beautifully skinny! No fair :(

Oh, but let's talk about food. Who said that British food is so bad? I wish it was! I mean, you can have fruits and vegetables and museli and yogurth and pizza (indeed, the pizzeria La Porchetta in Muswell Hill is absolutely divine, 100% Italian, higly recommended) and pasta, whatever you eat in Italy. The only thing you cannot find is the delicious Italian ice cream. The ice creams they have here are terrible. But there are some traditional dishes I really love. Obviously I will talk about sweet dishes mostly. My "au pair mum" loves baking cakes (on no! Poor me! I love eating cakes!!!). Since I'm in her house, I have had the pleasure to eat some of her cakes: an apple crumble with custard (which seems to be different with custard cream, it has no eggs, it's more delicate and I love it) and a fruit (apple and raspberries) pie, and both of them were absolutely delicious. I also liked the bread and butter pudding Graham used to cook when I was in Caterham. And the cream tea I had in Cornwall (tea + a heavy cake called scone, with clotted cream and jam). There are even some salty dishes I liked. One is Yorkshire pudding with (vegetarian) gravy (it's not my favourite though) and the other one is the corny pastry with (vegetarian) filling. Both of them are very fattening, but worth trying. I like to eat typical food, provided it's vegetarian and not deep fried. I also found out how delicious sweet corn is and now I really love it. And like the British, I have tea too many times a day. But one thing I will never manage to do is having tea with milk. I really cannot accept it :) But I found my favourite tea ever (for the moment): it's earl grey. I simply adore its bergamot flavour, and I would have litres and litres of it every day. Thanks God they created the decaffeinated version. I have to disintoxicate again, so I am trying to drink tea with caffeine only in the first hours of the day LOL You know, I was a "gun powder" green tea addict in Trieste, and I had to stop because I couldn't close my eyes any longer (Shuo suggested me that maybe it's because I used to dring a very big cup of it before going to bed)... When I arrived at Caterham, I was offered some tea and I couldn't refuse... I realized later than every time someone switches the electric kettle on, s/he asks around if someone else wants some tea... When I realized it, it was too late. I had already said: "Yes, please" too many times, and I was already a hopeless addict. ^_^

But you know what?
There are other new things I am addict to!!!
For example, charity shops! They are cheaper than normal shops because they sell used stuff. It's very exciting to get there and see what's new. I've already bought a pair of jeans, a pink poncho and a practical bag. I suspect that even charity shops are more expensive here in Muswell Hill, so as soon as I have a chance I will visit other charity shops in central London, hoping that Cristina or maybe Amy will show me around and give me good advice :) Anyway, even if I still think that used stuff cannot cost that much, I cannot help entering the shops (there are 4 of them in Muswell Hill!) and sometimes even buying hehe
This Pound deceives me: I tend to think about the prices in Euro, while actually 1
Pound is much more than 1 Euro...
Well, I have just spent all my (few) money for a course of 10 lessons (the last of
which I will miss because I will be in Italy for the 1st week of December) and now I really have to be very careful :p
I am trying to buy my favourite books from ebay, because this is the only money I can have from my family (my brother can put some money in our pay pal account), but I cannot exaggerate :p
Anyway I am planning to spend a Saturday in Charing Cross, visiting all the used books shops. I would need a week, not a day :) --> Most wanted: Cicely Mary Barker (I already have the four books of the Flower Fairies of the Seasons, looking for the other four) and Victorian painters (Waterhouse, Lord Leighton, Millais, Alma-Tadema, Burne-Jones)... *Sigh* they are hard to find and in any case they have unaffordable prices ç_ç

Then, I love festivals and design exibitions and any kind of free entrance event around London. In the weekend I try to visit museums and every free event I might be interested in. You know what? There is not enough time! There are too many things to do and the distances are long, so I have to choose a few!
Oh by the way, the weather has been very nice in the last weeks, so this is an other prejudice about London which is not that true! It doesn't rain every day! Sometimes it's rather warm during the day! :)

Anyway on Sunday evening I have to be at home, because BBC1 is broadcasting a new period drama: guess what! It's the nth remake of my favourite book ever!!! Yes, it's "Jane Eyre"!! I have seen the first episode last Sunday (go figure, the first time I've watched TV since I'm here) and I can't wait to see the next :)

Well, this is more or less my situation now... That is, a mess, I know. But it's a
pleasant mess. Don't care if women my age have a husband and a house. I wouldn't be happy like that now. I like to meet people who have different ideas, it makes me feel better and better!

Oh! 12.30 p.m.! Time to go to bed :p A goodnight kiss to my friends, especially Angela, Ali (ç_ç), Cecilia, Elena and Maria Mar, MCQ, Kate, Leila, Ryoko (in alphabetical order!) who supported me so much!!! Love you!!!!!!!!!!

*falls asleep*

I've always thought that I am lucky since I have no self esteem: this way, nobody can make it lower. But since I feel worse than a door mat now, probably I have just lost something which could have been considered a low level of self esteem :)
Well, things are getting complicated (even more? Yes. God is testing me. I know).
I will keep you updated if I survive and when I have internet again.

Anyway, I want to dedicate this post to myself.
I am disgusted by all the pathetic and hypocrit things I wrote especially in my photo-blog. I cannot lie, sorry. I will change or delete several comments as soon as I have time.

Now, if I want to have a little respect for myself, I want to make things clear.

1. It is true that the baby girl is lovely, and everything I wrote about places and things. I like Surrey, I like the 2-floor bus, I love parks, I like the room where I have slept for one month.

2. I didn't dislike my au pair family, even if now I don't like that they have not been honest to me. I like people who talk directly, because I am stupid. And when they make me understand things in less direct ways, they hurt me. They could have made everything clear from the beginning, but I guess if this didn't happen it's also my fault.

3. It's not true that everything was perfect and I was not surprised at all that they sent me away. I think they decided they didn't like me even before leaving for the holidays in Cornwall. But since I'm used to my own family, not the happiest and not the most friendly family indeed, I could have believed that everything was normal.
For me a week is not enough to understand if things work, neither are two weeks.
I'm in a country I've never been to before, everything is new for me. Sorry, I am not that smart, I need some time.
What surprised me a little bit was what they told me to send me away and especially how they changed after that. But I asked directly what was wrong besides what they told me, and I was told nothing.

4. Anyway I can't complain: they did put me up until I moved to the new family - I hope so, tomorrow is the day. Please wish me good luck with the new family.

5. I hope they will stop reading my blog. It's definitely not worth while reading, I don't have such an exciting life. And since it seemed that talking to me was so annoying, I think reading my blog should be annoying as well. I thank them very much for everything, honestly. I wish them better luck with the next au pair, whenever they have one.

6. I have to go to bed. I cannot sleep, but tomorrow might be one of the worst days since I am in the UK. God please, give me a break!

Hello hello (an other star...)
-ha ha pity me this is the title of a song from the Garasu no Kamen 2005 Anime OST-

Well a nonsense is a nice way to start, isn't it?
The truth is that I don't have anything to write. Well, actually I have kilometres of characters to type, but silence is my best friend now. Haha nobody believes you, Fra.

And please, if you really want to read the The Sorrows of Young Werther feel free to write me an email, because too many people read this blog and I don't want some of them to know what's in my head. Provided there is anything in my head. *gh*
Anyway, don't expect an email soon. I am moving to the new family on Monday for a one-month trial period, and even if in the contract I am going to sign internet is included, I have to wait until they arrange things so that I have wireless connection
on my PC. The fanlistings.org has just approved the "Olympus no Pollon" fanlisting, I have loads of updates for my already online websites to do, I still have to work a lot for the website of my mother's ex-colleague, argh! I will have many websites to work at in the next days! But I don't know when I will able to put anything online!

In the meantime please enjoy my Happysmile in London, which seems to be more popular than what I expected. I started working at it because I was bored and actually it's a very good solution to be in contact with all my penpals.
But please dear, drop a line in the tag box to let me know you've been there :)
I already have many photos for the September section, since in this first week of the month I haven't had anything better to do than taking a lot of photos at places I will probably not see any longer. I need some more time to create the pages with comments. But it would be great if I could put something online before Monday. If I cannot sleep I'll see what I can do...
Since the 29th, I've met my pen pal Go in London, then I met a Chinese girl, Shuo, here in Caterham (my ex-aupair family put her up for a weekend), then I visited Bath and Brighton since Graham (ex-aupair father) had to go there on business and I also had long walks in parks near Caterham. Maybe one day I'll miss cows and horses so I took some photos of them LOL

Anyway, thanks a lot to all the people who sent me lovely messages. I admit that what I write in my online photo-album is not the complete truth. But I do any efforts to write and show only pleasant things. Honestly there are many unpleasant things to
say, but what's the point in saying them? This week has been awful, so what? Everyone has got his/her own problems, maybe worse than mine.

This is not the main reason why I don't tell the complete truth - sometimes in my online photo album. I used to have a lot of immagination when I was a child. My primary school teacher loved to read my stories and she keeps saying I should have become a writer. Engineering wiped off my immagination. Almost completely. But this almost still helps me to survive. It helped me in my family, to find a place for me in a house where I have to lock in my room or stay out all day long because my father cannot stand me. And it helps me still now, when I... Mmh let's say when I lose faith :) What some people don't understand is that a sunny day spent in the nature or sightseeing really helps me to forget about the bad situation for a while. I mean, I have to wait for a week, what's the point in making those days horrible? They are unconfortable for all, but you can't just make the time fly faster than what it already does. So, try to make it the least unpleasant possible, don't you think?
That's why in my photo blog even the week in Cornwall seems to be a pleasant event. Even if actually it was a nightmare, I suffered a lot because of my stomach (...).

An important message for my supporters ^_^. I am not brave because I don't fly back to Italy in tears. Actually, I promised myself to resist here for at least 6 months. It's not only because of my family, but also for what I can find in my city. If they
still accept me at the call center for market inquiries or to sell mobile phones, how long do you think I will survive? I would have a frustrating job, a very low salary, and I would still live with my parents for the rest of my days.
Unless I find a old and very rich man to marry, but I would rather become a beggar :p
Jokes apart, don't talk me about marriage or I will vomit.
I have just found out that my parents are completely insane. They think the only thing I can do is hunting for something to marry (not someone, something, no matter what). There is a disgusting man my fahter used to know when he was a bachelor in
Trieste. This man is about his age, he somehow got a degree in medicine and well, when you are a doctor you get money. He's got a son who has a lot of problems. Everyone has always made fun of him since he was a child. He is ugly and stupid, and a braggart. He thinks he's the best. And when you are already nothing, this makes you even worse. Honestly, I have always been disgusted by the whole family, and believe me, all the people who know them agree with me. The father has always wanted my sister to marry his son, but my sister can find herself whom to marry. A long time ago, the friendship between the families ended because neither my siblings nor I went to the boy's birthday party. And for years and years we haven't been in contact- not that I have ever been in contact with them, the meetings were arranged by the parents but only when we were children. Last summer, the father became very popular in my city because he was arrested for giving drugs to many people (for a lot of money, obviously). But you know, when you are rich you don't spend much time in prison.
Well, to cut a long story short, this person met my parents by the street recently and shamelessely asked them if my sister is engaged. My sister is, so he asked about me. I know that my sister is beautiful and I am not, but if Brad Pitt asked me to marry him after being refused by my sister I wouldn't accept! Well, maybe for Brad Pitt I could make an exception hehe
Anyway my parents didn't say that I would never get married with such a jerk, but they said only that I am not in Italy for a while!
So there is a chance I will have to talk to this family when I am in Italy. I think my parents will regret not saying "NO WAY!" themselves, because if I have to talk to those persons, I will not control myself and I run the risk of saying the most vulgar words you can learn in 6 years of Engineering. :)

Leila, as you can see, you are not alone.

Now tell me, which hell is worse? The Italian hell or the English hell? For the moment, I think the English hell is better. At least, I have a language to learn.

Oh, I spent 2 hours at the computer. I'll go and read "The Princess Bride" - 2 chapters left. Absolutely worth while reading, even if you are not a fan of fantasy or fairy tales. I love the author's sense of humour and I can promise you would love it too!!! Mmmh... I have just had an other plan... I am listening to the OST of Nana the movie... Maybe I can watch the movie for the nth time... But I am afraid of crying... Mmmmmh! Have to decide :)

Special thanks: Maria Cristina Q with a broken PC, my good old Cecilia, my little fairy Ali, my wonderful Kate, my sweet Ryoko & Satoshi, Otohime and Nikkou... Well Ok special thanks to all my pen pals and visitors... Hugs to everyone!!!!