.. .: :: Francesca's delirium :: :. ..

Willy-nilly Christmas has arrived then.
And like all the previous ones it has arrived too soon. As usual I am in a rush and stressed. This year more than ever, since I have to leave tomorrow to fly to Italy! I can't really wait. I definitely need a break, and I hope this break will help me to understand some things. I have been very thoughtful recently and I guess people around noticed that. Well, I am not a person who keeps many secrets, so some people just know. But those are not the ones who should really know though.
Anyway. This year more than ever, I want to wipe away my negative thoughts and come back to London in a positive mood. The beauty and warmth of Italy will definitely help me. Mmmh I suspect that I will find many excuses to eat even more food than usual. Hehe. English food is not too bad, but I guess I forgot Italian food a little. I am afraid of what will happen when I am reminded how delicious food can be. LOL.

I am looking forward to hugging my stressing noisy family. And to meet some people in my city (I had to write a list not to forget anyone!). Oh dear. Distance can really alterate people's minds. Hehehe.
But I definitely have to disintoxicate from too many things here. And I am not talking (only) about food and air. That's one of the reasons why I decided not to come back to the UK on the 29th of December but on the 7th day of January (I bought an other air ticket yesterday).

I am a little sad that I will not spend the New Year in London, but I guess this is the best solution for everyone. And in my parents' house I will have loads of manga to read, and my room and books to enjoy, and my good old laptop with me. And I will walk a lot, I miss walking so much!

Well, it will be also a melancholy time, like every end of the year, and I will do my best not to let myself go :) Memories can be very very dangerous if you don't know how to deal with them. I will try to make a compromise with them :p

So, this is the last message of 2006 written from the UK.
I want to thank all the friends who sent me greeting cards and presents to my UK address and to my Italian address. I can't wait to see the post I received in Trieste! And I will take with me to Italy the cute presents I got to my English address.
Thank you all! I really wish you a truly merry Christmas, and a fabulous new year.
May our dreams come true!

Dreamsaddict &hearts 2006 greeting e-card &hearts

PS. By the way, did anyone notice that I finally updated my photo-blog? Enjoy :)

Have you ever felt you've been making always the same mistakes since you were born? How can you overcome the strong will to break a mirror into pieces not to see your image any longer? [ I mean... Without using chemical substances to modify your mood :) ]
I cannot write the details but it's always the same old story and I hate realizing it once again while I am writing down all the recent events.
I am honestly the only one to blame, because it's impossible that all the people I've met in my life are bad. Definitely there's something seriously wrong in me. I know it but I don't know where to start from when I think I have to change.

Sorry, I am very negative. [ I suspect my periods are on their way *_* ]
I had a terrible cold on Saturday but I forced myself to go out and on Sunday I had to stay at home because I was too sick. Moreover I lost one of the golden earrings which I received when I was baptised, and which I had been wearing for ages. Actually I got a cold because on Friday I walked in the rain for the whole morning looking for the earring :p [ So maybe it's not only bad luck :p ]

Moreover, I lost a lot of money by cancelling my week-holiday at the beginning of December, and I missed many of my favourite things, like Christmas Fairs and candy floss with my sister, making the Xmas tree with my family and the first Xmas tree in my sister's house. Was it worth while? I am afraid of what the answer is.

Today some more things have happened, which made me soooo cross and annoyed. Enough is enough... And still I haven't bursted out yet. But... Why do I have to accept them? When I can decide that person is going too far? Who can be objective and tell me the truth? Nobody I suppose. Maybe God when I am dead, but I am afraid it will be too late.

(Mr Rochester): Jane, do you believe in redemption?

(Jane Eyre): If you have sinned, you can be redeemed

(Francesca): What if you have been an idiot for your whole life? Is there any redemption for idiots?

Don't worry. I am fine. I just can't sleep because my stomach is aching too much. I am surprised it hasn't exploded yet, after all the junk food I've eaten today °_°

Now let's be less egocentric.
The poor russian ex-spy (if he ever was a spy) lived in Muswell Hill, the town where I live. No, I never met him, so hopefully I haven't been contaminated. And I don't like Sushi.
The tornado destroyed 150 houses in Northern London, not too far from here, but not here anyway.
(Stupid) jokes apart, I feel such a miserable thing at complaining when those people had much worse luck than me in their lives.
It doesn't happen often, but I am seriously ashamed of myself.


No, I am not 100% insane yet. But I can't say anything. Too many lurkers around. I don't want them to mind my business. But I need to vent. This strange post is a sort of compromise. Mmh, it seems one of those self-pitying letters of someone I used to know and whom I made fun of some time ago... [ This serves you right, Fra! ]